Visitor: Shoshana's Family
Time: April 7, 2007 9:35 PM
The following are a continuation of the entries which are memories of Shoshana's mother, Tina Huckabee. The previous page contains the start of these recollections. We know there are thousands of memories of Shoshana still out there and we wish to capture those memories so they don't get lost. If these memories remind you of any incidents of Shoshana's life, please add them to the memory book. Please encourage your friends and all those who know Shoshana to do the same.
Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: April 7, 2007 9:35 PM
She became interested in soccer during the summer between 3rd and 4th grade. I was somewhat grateful because I thought soccer significantly more practical a sport and it was much more economical. She was an excellent athlete. She really enjoyed soccer and played 8 (including her last) seasons with the same team and coaches. When I had to decide who was going to be her pallbearers, the soccer coaches and manager were whom I first thought of. I asked both coaches (who are also dads), the wonderful UT young woman pre-med student who had been an assistant coach for a couple of seasons, and the team manager (who had known Shoshi her whole life). I also asked her Hebrew teacher and her best friend's dad.
Shoshana was planning to quit soccer at the end of the 2006 spring season. She was going to start horse riding lessons with her good friend Lydia in the late summer. I had already contacted the teacher and had told Shoshana that she would be responsible for paying for some of the lessons. I felt that she was old enough to begin to contribute financially to things that she wanted. She set aside some of the money that she got for her bat mitzvah and we were making plans for her to baby sit and maybe pet sit for cash.
Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: April 7, 2007 9:35 PM
I worked with Shoshana as she learned the parts of the Shabbat morning service and her Torah and Haftorah portions. Her Torah readings were from Genesis and primarily discussed the families who sojourned to Egypt. There are lots of names listed. In one aliyah (section) of her reading there were the three names Huppim, Muppim, and Ard (English lettering). When Shoshi first read through that section I stopped her and said (incredulously and jokingly), "Who names their kids Huppim, Muppim, and Ard?"
We both cracked up and giggled and giggled. We usually studied on the sofa in the living room, so we were clutching each other and laughing really hard. Every time we read that section for the next months we would crack up. Once she said "How am I going to get through that at my bat mitzvah without laughing?" Eventually, we calmed down, and she led services beautifully on the day of her bat mitzvah.
I was very nervous about Shoshana's bat mitzvah. Her Hebrew teacher assured me that he hadn't lost a mother yet, but it didn't help much. Shoshana and I would joke that she (and I) could get out of the event if she changed religions. I suggested that she become Methodist (which is what I grew up as). "Methodists are cool," I would try to convince her. "Nah," she said. Eventually, she said that she wanted to become Wiccan. . I joked with her, saying that I didn't think I could stay up late, dancing around a fire at midnight.
We plowed through her studies and the composition of her d'var and that day was incredible.
Shoshana read Torah and led Shacharit (morning) service in the months following her bat mitzvah.
We had lots of fun as we picked out invitations and made other plans for her bat mitzvah. One of the things we did was have a tallit (prayer shawl) and kippah made. There are two women in Austin who have a business where they custom design tallitot/kippot for folks. Shoshana's designed her tallit and a White Stripes cd cover inspired it. (Her one rather dubious choice in music.) It was beautiful. She designed these wavy, different colored stripes and chose teal, burgundy, blue and green for the colors. However, she kept insisting that she wanted Klingon (from Star Trek) wording on her atarah (the collar). It was a running joke between us for months-I couldn't get a straight decision from her. I won that battle-she chose Oseh Shalom as the prayer and it was in Hebrew. She has a poster in her room of a satellite photo of Israel with Oseh Shalom in Hebrew and English-it was a favorite prayer of hers. Oseh Shalom was also sung at her funeral. Cantor Sherwin gave the music to the Wind Ensemble director, Mr. Gurgel, and he arranged a version of Oseh Shalom and it was played at their spring concert two weeks after Shoshi died.
Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: April 7, 2007 9:35 PM
She wanted to sing Adon Olam to the Rolling Stones' "Ruby Tuesday," but Cantor Sherwin and I were doubtful that it would work. I finally convinced her that the Beatles' "Yellow Submarine" was a much better choice. Everyone knows it and the rhythm of the music works with the rhythm of the Hebrew. It was a hoot.
Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: April 8, 2007 7:50 PM
Every night when I get into bed, I imagine Shoshana at my bedroom door. Most nights, after her shower, she would come to our bedroom to say goodnight. It was really a delay tactic that kids often practice when they really want to forestall going to bed. She would stand by the door of my bedroom that leads to the hallway. She knew that she was supposed to knock before she came in, so she would stand there until I motioned her in.
She would be wearing one of her oversized t-shirts and the pj bottoms that I got her the previous Hanukah. These pj pants were thin, white, soft cotton and she loved them.
As I sit on my side of the bed, I can only see about half the door, so she would make sure she knocked or said something so that she could come in. She would come over to me, sit beside me on the bed and give me a big, squeezy hug. Her hair was always wet. If she had washed it, it smelled nice and clean. If she didn't wash it that night, it had a slight perspiration sort of smell. I could also smell the soap that she used to wash with.
She would hug me-sometimes very tightly and then we might talk for a minute. Then she would hug Asher (the dog who usually sleeps beside me on the floor). Next, she would hug our cat Mitzi, who was somewhere in the room; after Mitzi, she hugged Kilian, the older dog who sleeps on the floor by Steven.
By this time, Steven was tired and trying to shut things down for himself for the night and would say, "Shoshana, it's past your bedtime, Mom and I are tired, GO to bed." She would bounce up and hug and kiss him last. He was usually irritated by now, but it always made me grin. She would prance out of the room and he would grumble, "Why can't she go to bed earlier?" (She was a night owl like he used to be).
In the first months after she died, I made a concerted effort to picture her standing beside the door and a further effort to remember how it felt to have her hug me. Now, it's simply part of my bedtime routine. I always look over at the door and see her standing there.
Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: April 8, 2007 7:50 PM
There were other nights that she would get in bed before me and I would come into her room to say goodnight. She wore braces the last 20 months of her life and she had the little rubber bands that kids use on their braces. When I came into her room, I would always ask if she had brushed her teeth and if she had her bands on. She was usually lying in bed and reading a book. She would cock her head up at me, open her mouth and show me her teeth. A simple yes didn't suffice. There were other times when I felt the need (I think it's a mom thing) of checking her teeth and braces; I didn't know what I was looking for, I just needed to check. I would have her open her mouth and I would be peering in. Shoshana did a great imitation of a horse when it nickers. She would always nicker at this point and I would feel a little foolish for checking her teeth to see if she was in good health.
Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: April 8, 2007 7:50 PM
Shoshana often walked with me at night when I walk the dogs. I take two walks; the first is with the older dog, the second (and longer) is with the younger dog. Shoshana usually accompanied me on the second walk. I can't always remember what we talked about; sometimes we hardly talked at all. On those walks, I was at first a bit uncomfortable-why did she want to walk if she didn't have anything to say? I realized though that those walks were just as nice; I'm glad that she (and I) didn't feel the need to prattle if neither of us felt like it.
Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: April 8, 2007 7:50 PM
It was during those nightly walks when we had our mom-daughter talks undisturbed by a pesky little brother or a nosy dad. Once, she had been really ugly to her best friend of many years. I knew about it because the mom had let me in on what had happened. The truth was that Shoshana had been angry at me about something and had taken it out on her friend at soccer. Shoshana was incredibly loveable and wonderful, but like all of us, had her "toad" side (as I call it). She showed her "toadiness" to the three of us and to this friend. I talked with her about what had really bothered her and showed her how she had taken out her anger (at me) on her friend. I explained that she probably did this because she knew that her friend would still forgive her, even though Shoshana had been rude. She didn't feel confident to say to me what she said to her friend, so the friend got the full blast. We all tend to be ugly to those we love most because we know that they will forgive us.
As with most people, Shoshana sometimes found it hard to apologize, but I think I was successful in teaching her that the ability to apologize is a skill that she needed to learn and practice.
As we talked, I made her see that it was imperative that she apologize to this friend so that they could continue with their friendship without the baggage of anger and hurt feelings. I told Shoshana that she and this friend could (and should) be friends for many years-well into adulthood and the only way to do that was to come clean with what she had said to the friend. I know that later that evening she called the friend, apologized and all was well in the end.
Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: April 8, 2007 7:50 PM
During the time of the year when it's dark when I walk (which is most of the year, actually), I remember noticing our shadows cast by the street lamps. They were side-by-side; mine longer and a bit wider, hers shorter and smaller. Now when I walk, there's no other shadow.
Last summer when I would walk, I would envision her walking beside me and remember some of our conversations. I remember that sometimes she would take the leash and jog with Asher a bit ahead of me and then loop around and come back.
When we would go to Shabbat evening services on Friday nights, or when we had people over to the house for Shabbat dinner, it was often 10pm or later before I could walk the dogs. Shoshana often still came with me even though she was usually tired by then. I knew that I really should be encouraging her to go to bed, but I enjoyed her company.
Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: April 8, 2007 7:50 PM
For many years, on Friday nights after Shabbat dinner, we would play board games. We played all sorts of games. We play Monopoly, Life, different card games, Clue, Sorry!, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings games, Carcassonne, etc. Steven takes these games very seriously. It was Friday, we're all a bit tired from the week and I get really silly when I'm tired. I would do and say all sorts of things to make the kids laugh and be totally raucous. They would both start laughing at me and the three of us would just be complete cut-ups and drive Steven nuts because we weren't taking the game we were playing seriously.
Shoshana had certain games that she liked (the ones that she won) more than others (the ones she wasn't very good at). She liked the Lord of the Rings trivial pursuit and Uno but didn't like Millesbourne or poker.
Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: April 9, 2007 9:38 PM
The Braid.
Shoshana came back from Camp Young Judaea in July 2005 with a little braid that hung on the left side of her face. It wasn't the latest fad or anything, just something she had done one afternoon while at camp and she kept it for the next 8 months. She would occasionally take the braid out and then re-braid with different beads. I remember the little soccer ball bead and even a square nut (yes, indeed, from a nut and bolt set) that she weaved into the braid. (I recently found what I assume is the actual nut; it was in Aaron's bathroom drawer. I put it in Shoshana's room along with her other beads and do-dads.)
She usually wore her hair in a ponytail and the braid hung free.
When soccer season started that September, she was worried about whether the officials would let her keep the braid. They are very strict about jewelry. I suggested that she simply put the braid into the rest of her hair and wear the ponytail as usual. Problem solved.
I would ask her from time to time to take the braid out and wash that hair as normal just because it offended my middle-aged woman's sensibilities (and besides, it might be skanky!). In the last months, she generally only had one bead in the braid (at the bottom). One of my last pictures of her is the formal band photo and she has a white bead in the braid with a matching headband. I love that photo.
She had the braid cut when she decided to have her hair cut in a layered, shoulder length style about 6 weeks before she died. She had to think really hard though about whether she wanted to lose the braid.
There are two photos that were taken from the Chicago trip. One is of Shoshana asleep on the bus that was taken (I believe) on Thursday, April 27. The other shot was taken at the Sears Tower probably within an hour of when she arrested. That shot is taken from behind; she is sitting on the floor, with her back up against a pane of glass and her legs are out in front of her. I was told that she was asleep; everyone just thought she was tired. When I look at both of these photos, I marvel at how pretty her hair was.