Memory Book for Shoshana Weintraub

The following are the memories those of us have of Shoshana/Shoshi/Shosha :

Entries 160-169

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Visitor: Annabella Cavello
Time: November 8, 2007 11:02 PM

Most of the memories that I have of Shoshana are shared by Laura, because they always seemed so close and I nearly always saw hem together. The clearest memory that I have is at Laura's house playing Hide-and-go-seek among other things like looking at Rolling Stones records and playing the "Amazing Bella Machine," a game which involved a lot of poking and tugging on my fingers, stomach, or nose to create various noises.

Anyhow, I've read many of the posts here and I've started to cry, but then I realize that these are all such fond memories, then I don't feel so sad.

Visitor: Miss Sherry (aka Sheron Stone)
Time: November 9, 2007 3:57 AM

I was unable to locate my negatives of Shoshana and the other member's of our 3's class at the old JCC. However, I finally found this photo that I took of her on the playground.

She will always be with us in spirit.
Miss Sherry (aka Sheron Stone)

Visitor: Steven Weintraub
Time: November 9, 2007 8:43 AM

It's not that I ever stop thinking of the beautiful soul who is my daughter, but somehow she seems to have come closer these last two weeks than before. Both Tina and I seem to feel it, and with these recent emails, I see others do too. More ever she seems to physically be here at times. The other night as I slept I dreamed she kissed me, and I swear I felt it. Things we have misplace seem to reappear in their proper places after we searched there numerous times - just the sort of practical joke she would play.

I will probably restart writing memories and so will Tina. I will also start putting on some pictures of her in a separate page. Something I have not done due to lack of energy. Please keep writing about her, you don't know how precious these are to her mother and I.

Visitor: Steven Weintraub
Time: November 10, 2007 11:18 PM

I have posted a picture page of just a brief selection of Shoshana's pictures at Picture page . Tina also has about 5-6 entries which I will add in the next few days too.

Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: November 12, 2007 10:10 PM

Shoshana always liked to play in the rain. I never let the kids out if there was thunder or lightening, but if it was a gentle rain, I let them play in the raindrops and in puddles on the ground. When they were very little, I had to go outside with them. As they got older, I would leave two (or sometimes three) towels on the front porch (if they were in the front yard or towels on the back patio if they played in the back); I would admonish them to "clean up before you traipse mud into my house!" If it rained during the summer, sometimes they would simply be in their swimsuits-or when they were toddlers, they sometimes played outside buck- naked (or "nekkid" as Shoshana used to say). If they played during a time of the year that was colder, I would always make hot cocoa for them after they dried off and changed clothes.

It rained a great deal during the latter part of spring and the first half of summer this year. I often thought of how much Shoshi would have liked the rain this year.

Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: November 12, 2007 10:10 PM

Once, Shoshana, Laura, Aaron and Laura's sister Deborah played in the sprinkler in our backyard. I think that it was after school and they were all still in elementary school. Shoshana and Laura were either in 2nd or 3rd grade, so Aaron and Deborah were really little. It was in May and was already hot. My grass was not fully-grown back from winter, so as the kids played, the ground became an absolute mud pit! Those kids sprayed each other and were muddy, filthy and happy. Part of me always hated when they got that dirty, but I'm glad that I let them because that's what kids are supposed to do. I wonder if Shoshana remembers and I wonder if she's grateful that she was able to do those sorts of things.

Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: November 12, 2007 10:10 PM

Once, when she was two or three, I set up an easel, paint, and paper for her to paint with out in our front garden. It was summer, it was hot, and there's a large shade tree so that's why she was in the front yard rather than the back.

Aaron was a baby and I think that he was asleep in a car seat near where she was playing. I went into the house to get something for him and when I came out, Shoshana had stripped down (actually, I think she was only wearing her swimsuit before she stripped), and was painting herself red. (Getting in touch with her Celtic heritage I presumed.) I have photos of that and I must say that red was definitely a good color for her. I remember telling her that I was going to use that photo as blackmail when she got into her teenage years.

Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: November 12, 2007 10:10 PM

I gave away Shoshana's bicycle Friday. It has collected dust in our garage since her death; she last rode it the Sunday or Monday before she died. The tires were flat and there was all manner of dust, leaves, and etc., which had collected on the wheels.

I decided in September to offer Shoshana's bike to my close friend and neighbor, Pam. Pam is British and when I ride with her, she waves at everyone (even, or maybe especially, the rude drivers), and always says a cheery, British "Hello!" in that high-pitched voice friendly Brits use.

Offering Shoshana's bike to Pam just seemed the correct and natural thing to do. I wasn't planning to give Shoshana's bike away anytime soon, but somehow, the time seems right. Steven, Aaron and I often go for bike rides and I ride with Pam.

Shoshana would ride most days after school. She would come to me and say, "Mom, could I go around the block to clear my head?" And I would always say yes, "hurry back, you have lots of homework!" The "around the block" was really all over the neighborhood and generally, she was gone for 20-30 minutes. Sometimes, when it got dark early, she would go out a little late and I would fret that it was getting dark and she still wasn't home. One time, in the winter before she died, she actually got home after dark. I was worried and was about to really crab at her for being so late. She came in all excited because as she was riding home, she heard the great horned owl that has visited our neighborhood in recent years. She stopped to listen to him/her on a street around the corner; the owl was in a tree directly over her bike route. I shared in her joy of listening to the owl, but I still crabbed about her riding after dark.

The first time that she ever rode her bicycle without her dad, or me, I paced the front of my property like a nervous mother cat. A neighbor teased me about worrying about her solo bike ride. Shoshana always wore her helmet and she knew all of the safety rules.

At Shoshana's funeral, Pam spoke about how Shoshi rode by her house every afternoon and how focused, centered and goal-oriented she was on that bike. Pam also spoke about how Shoshana would often have her hands OFF the handlebars as she was riding. That ability to ride without her hands on the handlebars developed from her year of English horse riding lessons. I knew that she rode sometimes sans hands (and I didn't much like it), but I never told her she shouldn't.

To me, Pam's description of Shoshana on her bike is quintessential Shoshana. She was focused, she was careful and balanced, and she had her goals firmly before her. She also had just enough whimsy and joy in life that she didn't always have to have her hands on the handlebars.

Pam should have Shoshana's bike-she knew her and loves her.

Visitor: Tina Huckabee
Time: November 12, 2007 10:10 PM

One of my favorite photos of Shoshana I didn't know existed until the June after she died. I always sent the kids to Camp Young Judaea with disposable cameras. They brought their cameras back after camp in 2005 and I promptly put the cameras on a shelf and forgot about them. I knew the cameras were there; I just never got around to developing the film.

After Aaron went to CYJ in June of 2006, I decided that I should get the film developed. I looked at Shoshana's camera and seriously considered not developing the film. I finally decided that I should have the film developed and that I would put the photos in her album just like I would if she was still alive.

I picked the prints up at H.E.B., opened Shoshana's photos first and there she was! I didn't expect any pictures of her and there were these five beautiful shots of her from camp. Two shots were taken when the camp had a group of Tahitian dancers perform. In one photo, Shoshana is with one of the counselors (I think her nickname was "Lollypop Lisa." I never asked why). In the second shot, she's standing with two of her bunkmates. In both shots, she is wearing clothes that are not hers and she is wearing dangly earrings-also not hers. She looks so cute and grown up and in some way, not all that Shoshana-like. Three of the photos were apparently taken during the time she was participating on the ropes course. In one, she's standing facing the photographer with her hands on her hips and this expression of "OK, if you must. Take my pic, but make it quick!" In another, she is repelling and she's holding ropes with both hands and her strong legs are holding her up. In my favorite photo, she is looking at the camera, has her head cocked slightly and has this beautiful Shoshana smile.

The photo is slightly grainy, but I can clearly see her braces and if you knew the color of her eyes (a citrine green), you can make the color out.

All of her life everyone told Shoshana that she looked just like me. I don't know if I necessarily agree, but it must be so-we heard it so many times! Rarely though, someone would say, "She looks just like Steve!" For the first time, I really saw his smile in her in that photo. I remember thinking, "She has his smile!"

I also like that I didn't know the photos existed until after she died. That occurs on a regular basis, even now-things appearing that we had no knowledge of. An elementary school music teacher found a piece of music that Shoshana wrote in fourth grade. She found it (and no others) on top of a file cabinet when she was cleaning her room the summer after Shoshi died. We still have folks email photos of Shoshana from various points in her life. I find notepads (and other things) that have sketches she drew (usually of horses) around the house.

I don't think there is anything otherworldly going on. It's both odd and comforting to find bits of her around. I view these remnants of her essence and time here as a gift; maybe my Shoshana is still here in some real, tangible way.

Entries 160-169

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